There are days when life feels like a cluttered desk: notes, to-do lists, messages, expectations everywhere – and in the middle of it all, we are supposed to keep track of everything. In moments like these, a simple image can help. Imagine three circles arranged around each other like coloured lifebuoys. The innermost circle contains all the things you can really control. Surrounding them is the area where you can help shape things if others go along with you. And on the outside – large and heavy – is everything that is beyond our control. If you are aware of these three circles, you can more quickly sort out what is important today, what can wait and what can be safely removed from your internal to-do list. This relieves stress, provides direction and strengthens mental health.

The idea behind it

The model was developed by Stephen R. Covey and distinguishes between control, influence and uncertainty. You can imagine it as three cones of light. The inner cone shines brightly: here you can see exactly what you can do, and your actions have a direct effect. The middle cone is dimmer: you recognise opportunities, but you need teammates, framework conditions and sometimes simply time. The outer area is in semi-darkness: this is where events happen whether you want them to or not. All three areas are part of life – the trick is to direct your energy to where it actually makes a difference. If you base your thinking on this image, you will experience less powerlessness, make clearer decisions and remain capable of acting even in turbulent times.

Circle of control – ‘I'm in charge here’

The green core is your first-hand scope for action. Here you can decide how you start your day, how you talk to yourself, what priority you give to a task, and whether you get yourself a glass of water or spend another quarter of an hour drifting through the news feed. It is the seemingly small movements of everyday life that ultimately determine the direction of your life: the tone of voice in a message, the choice of a friendly ‘no’, the willingness to learn from a mistake instead of hiding it. This circle creates self-efficacy, which is a powerful protective factor for mental health.

If you feel overwhelmed, it's worth taking a look inside yourself: What is really within my control? Maybe you can't change the global situation, but you can change your media consumption. Maybe you can't reduce your workload immediately, but you can protect your calendar for two concentrated work blocks per week. Maybe you can't completely turn around the mood in your team, but you can start every Monday with a short, clear status update. The circle of control is not a place of perfection, but of practice. It's not about big leaps, but about repeatable steps that you feel confident about and that do you good. Regular sleep, breaks, exercise, fresh air, a short walk after lunch, ten conscious breaths before an important conversation – these are all levers that are immediately available. The more often you use them, the more familiar the feeling becomes: I can do something, right now.

In brief

• Small, repeatable decisions beat big resolutions: sleep, breaks, exercise, media hygiene

• Focus comes when I consciously choose and protect one thing today

• Self-efficacy grows through practice, not perfection – act now instead of waiting

Circle of influence – ‘Moving forward together’

In the yellow ring, we share the stage with others. Here you will meet colleagues, superiors, customers, partners, family and friends. You are not in control alone, but you can achieve a lot if you clearly state what is important to you and if you invite rather than demand. Influence often begins with a conversation that puts things into words: What is my goal? What do we need to achieve it? What is a viable compromise? Speaking in this way provides guidance and increases the chance that others will follow. Influence grows in teams when reliability is evident – small promises that are kept, clear agreements that don't disappear in the fog of email, and a shared understanding of what ‘done’ means.

Boundaries also belong in this circle. Those who say ‘yes’ when “no” would be more honest will lose influence in the long run because expectations remain vague and trust suffers. A respectful ‘I can do that by Tuesday, but not today’ is not an affront, but an invitation to plan in a solution-oriented manner. It is equally effective to suggest alternatives: if plan A doesn't work, plan B could bring us closer to our goal. Over time, this creates a network of cooperation that makes the yellow ring appear larger. You will find that the clearer you communicate, the more often you ask for feedback and the more visibly you take responsibility yourself, the more doors will open – not all of them, but enough to move forward together.

How to strengthen your influence

• Clearly state what is important: needs, suggestions, mutual benefits.

• Respectfully identify boundaries and offer alternatives.

• Reliability and feedback make influence visible and expand it step by step.

Circle of uncertainty – ‘Letting go without looking away’

The red outer circle reminds us that life is bigger than our plans. Natural disasters, political decisions, global crises, a strike, illness in our circle of friends and family – there is much that is beyond our control. This is sobering, and sometimes frightening. At the same time, it becomes easier when we allow ourselves to hold both ideas side by side: the acceptance that some things remain beyond our control and the willingness to take good care of ourselves regardless. Serenity here does not mean indifference. It means: I acknowledge reality without letting it completely determine my actions.

A sensible approach is helpful. Information is important, but it needs to be taken in small doses so that it does not become constant noise. Those who consume news at fixed times and use trustworthy sources retain inner space for what is immediately at hand. Preparation within reason also has a relieving effect: a list of emergency numbers, organised documents, a plan B for the commute to work. None of these things are protective shields against the unpredictable, but they are good umbrellas for changeable weather. In stormy phases, simple rituals – an evening walk, a phone call with a trusted person, a quiet breathing exercise before bed – can go a surprisingly long way. We cannot stop the waves, but we can learn to swim in them.

Calmly dealing with the unpredictable

• Accept what I cannot control – and shape my reaction.

• Dose information: right source, clear times, limited dose.

• Prepare in moderation: small plans, simple rituals, accept help.

Everyday use – ‘From image to motion’

The model unfolds its power when it is transferred from your head to paper and from there into your day. Take a sheet of paper or our graphic, write down what is on your mind and assign it to one of the three circles. This step alone brings order to the diffuse feeling that ‘everything is too much’. It often turns out that the green area is richer than it initially feels. When you can see what's in your own hands, it's easier to take the first step. The yellow area gives rise to conversations, small appointments, requests and offers. And the red area is given a framework: it is there, but it does not dictate the agenda. With this organised view, it is easier to start the day consciously, build in breaks and appreciate what has been achieved in the evening – not as a performance log, but as friendly feedback to yourself. This turns a static diagram into a living navigation tool.

How to apply the model in 5 minutes

1. List: Write down everything that is currently on your mind.

2. Sort: Mark green (control), yellow (influence), red (uncertainty).

3. Choose: One thing from green for today. One thing from yellow for this week.

4. Formulate: ‘I will do X by time, so that benefit.’

5. Let go: For red, write down: ‘Not in my hands. My next self-care step is ...’

Three everyday examples – this is how it feels

In a family with children, needs often clash. In the morning, one person decides whether the mobile phone stays on the breakfast table or disappears into a bag. That's the green zone. In the afternoon, yellow dialogue is needed when it comes to dividing up driving duties, shopping or rest periods. School is cancelled or the club cancels training – red zone, inconvenient, but not within your power. If, in the evening, there are still twenty minutes of undivided attention left, perhaps reading together or building a small Lego city, the family feels how control and influence work together: little drama, big impact.

The model is similar in the workplace. You can bundle your emails at two fixed times, reserve focused work blocks, write clear status reports and clearly articulate what you need to do a good job. That's green. It becomes yellow when you make a meeting with your team shorter and more goal-oriented, or when you agree on a realistic scope with your manager. Strategic realignments, budget freezes, or political decisions affect operations but remain red. Those who focus on their own levers and use them consistently will see an increase in quality and satisfaction – with noticeable effects on teamwork.

When it comes to health, many people first think of doctor's appointments, and those are important. But before that lies a wide green area: regular sleep, exercise, fresh air, breaks, sufficient water, careful use of media, loving self-talk instead of harsh self-criticism. It turns yellow when you take questions to the doctor, seek a second opinion or ask your friends for support. Red factors such as waiting times or systemic issues remain, but they lose their overwhelming significance when you feel how powerful the sum of your small decisions is.

For teams and leadership – building joint capacity for action

Teams benefit enormously when the three circles become part of their common language. Even a brief introduction to a meeting – what belongs in green today, what in yellow, what in red – sharpens focus and prevents endless circling around the unchangeable. Leadership here is not demonstrated by loud dictates, but by the art of creating clarity, identifying priorities and protecting frameworks in which people can work with concentration. When results are not only ticked off but also briefly acknowledged, the feeling of self-efficacy grows throughout the entire system. Especially in times of change, when uncertainty naturally increases, such routines keep a team on track. They say: we cannot determine everything, but we can shape a lot, and we do it together.

When things are tough – you don't have to be alone

Sometimes an article isn't enough, and neither is the best model. That's when a real conversation helps. Someone who listens without judging, who asks questions, sorts things out and works with you to figure out what small step would be good right now. If this sounds like you, get in touch. At REDEZEIT FÜR DICH, you'll find people who are there for exactly that. A phone call can't make the burden disappear, but often it becomes bearable as soon as you share it with someone. This is not a weakness, but a wise step towards strength.